Day 23:

Friends and Family:

BPD affects, not only the sufferer, but also everyone who cares about them. The irregular emotions and behaviour of the borderline can cause a lot of stress to family members, friends and partners. It is important to recognise that the borderline is suffering. Their behaviour is a reaction to deep emotional pain. So, if a certain behaviour is directed at the loved one, it must never be forgotten that it is motivated by a need to stop the pain and is not deliberate.

It would be helpful for those close to a borderline, to learn as much as possible about the illness. This will help to understand it and handle it in a more constructive way. It is extremely important for the friend or family member to take care of themselves and not to put all of their energy into the borderline at the expense of their own emotional needs. Many loved ones may blame themselves or feel guilty. They may also feel responsible in some way. They must remember that they did not cause it, they cannot cure it and they cannot control it.

Communication with a borderline can sometimes be difficult, it can be like talking to a child. They may sometimes say things that are irrational or may overreact to a situation that they perceive in a certain way. It is not effective to be judgemental, so try to validate how the borderline is feeling. Perhaps learn to recognise your loved one's hot buttons and try not to push them, although you might not always succeed with that! Be supportive, understanding and patient. You could possibly support them in seeking professional help, but never force them into it.

People with BPD make numerous threats of suicide and this can make friends and family de-sensitised to this behaviour. However, people with BPD are at high risk of suicide so you must never ignore a threat of suicide. Remember, loving someone with BPD is one the biggest challenges you will ever face. Good luck......