Day 13:

Diagnosis

I'm afraid I am full of negative thoughts and have been for a couple of days. I'm telling myself that no-one is reading this, no-one cares. It doesn't affect them so why should they? I realise I'm going on a bit and it's only day 13!

I have never done anything like this before and I am feeling that maybe I should stop now. It is so difficult for me to do this. I have to analyse every word over and over and I worry what I will say tomorrow.

I appreciate the comments I have had so far and the few kind people that are reading about BPD. On the flip side, I did say I would write every day for the month, so I'm torn over what to do. I'm telling myself it's just a really bad day today. Maybe I will keep this one short...

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2012.
I realise I said it was 4 years ago, but actually it was only 3. For me it was a relief. To have an answer, a reason for all the years of odd behaviour. Believing myself to be a terrible person and to blame for everything. To know there were people who feel and think just like me but most of all that there is a reason that I think the way I do. I had an actual illness. It was real. Suddenly it all made sense. I'll be back tomorrow....