Day 17:

The “Quiet Borderline”:

I thought it was really important that I talk a bit more about the "quiet" borderline. When I was in therapy, no-one ever told me about this. I didn't know there was such a thing. I thought we all were supposed to have the same presentation of the illness and was completely confused by all the people who were having difficulty keeping their anger inside. I remember briefly hearing the term "quiet" in reference to myself but just thought they meant that I was quiet! It was never explained to me so I researched it myself. Loads seems to have been written about the more classic presentation of BPD. It usually means someone is "acting out" by displaying angry outbursts, aggression and projecting onto others.

A quiet borderline does not do these things, in fact quite the opposite. They have exactly the same reasons for the diagnosis and fit the same criteria, but they do not rage or shout but they rage inwardly. Everything is turned in on themselves.

I have read various accounts of people who are quiet borderlines and of course I have my own experience and most accounts seem to be saying the same thing....

Therapists will be frustrated with their behaviour and they are often blamed for "not connecting with their feelings" or "not expressing their thoughts". They are sometimes provoked by a therapist to try to get a reaction, to release their inner rage. Therapists who treat BPD are used to seeing "acting out" behaviour and are at a loss to know how to deal with them. Quiet borderlines are mistakenly thought of as being able to function more than the "acting out" borderline but this is definitely not the case. Like myself, quiet borderlines find it hard to express anger so they supress it and keep it deep inside. I would argue that this is far more damaging behaviour. I have depression because it is anger turned inwards. Quiet borderlines do exactly the same as those that "act out" but they do it to themselves instead of others. 

When are mental health professionals going to recognise the different presentations of BPD? Even finding information about it has been difficult as most things about BPD describes the classic anger outbursts and lashing out. Both presentations are debilitating but it has to be known that quiet borderlines are screaming without a voice. Their suffering must be given expression so their lives can improve...